Kids Awareness Series

Children that have been diagnosed with ADHD often have severe problems getting along with other children.  The child with ADHD tends to be very impulsive, has problems sharing, and they tend to be overactive.  Other children may find this child’s behaviors aversive and they often will not want to play with the ADHD child.  Other children may not like when the ADHD child blurts out whatever they are thinking, as ADHD children often have problems showing restraint in what they do or in what they say to others.  In addition, ADHD children often fail to consider how their behaviors or actions will affect those around them and they usually do not consider that there are consequences to all of their actions. 

These children often do not see an immediate reward for playing well with other children, with sharing, cooperating, or taking turns with other children and other children usually perceive the child to be very selfish and self-centered.  As a result of their poor social skills, children with ADHD often have few friends and the school year can be a very harrowing and difficult one as a result of poor peer relationships.  How often has it been said by the ADHD child, “I have no friends, no one wants to play with me.”  Another common comment is, “everyone seems to make fun of me” and parents will often hear, “I don’t want your son playing over at our house, he misbehaves and hits my son.”  How can we as parents teach our children better social skills in order to improve their relationships.  There are a number of steps that can be taken in order to improve social skills:

1.) First and foremost, establish a reward or behavior management program in which tokens or a chip program are used in order to improve social behaviors.  Choose only one or two social behaviors that you would like to see improved such as sharing or say your child keeping their hands to themselves and not hitting or touching another child.  Only pick one or two behaviors, more than that and your child will most likely not be successful.  Choose the unwanted behaviors that you see your child doing the most and work on these such as being bossy, not speak loudly, or taking turns.

2.) Post the social behaviors that you want to see changed in a prominent place that you want your child to see.  I usually advise parents to post a chart on the refrigerator, in the child’s bathroom, and possibly on the mirror in your child’s bedroom.  The chart does not have to be too detailed, simply post the unwanted social behaviors that you want to see changed in your child.  If your child’s friends are coming over take the charts down, they will probably embarrass your child otherwise.

3.) When you observe your child playing with other children and your child is displaying appropriate social behaviors, make sure to tell them they are acting appropriately.  This should be done in a discrete manner and not to embarrass your child or take them away from an activity with their friends that they are enjoying.  When you see your child acting in an inappropriate fashion (ie… bossing their friends around or not taking turns) remind them that they lose tokens for their behavior.  Also, before your child has friends over or goes over to play with friends or at the beginning of a school day, remind them of the unwanted social behaviors that you want them to change.  Observe your child more frequently when they are playing with their friends to ensure that that their social skills are appropriate.  Reward or punish according to the behaviors that they are displaying.

4.) A few times each week, you and your child should set aside time to go over the positive behaviors that you have observed and the negative behaviors that you have observed while they were with their friends.  Make sure to point out the positive aspects so your child does not become discouraged. 

5.) Role playing appropriate social behaviors can also be a very useful tool.  As a parent, you pretend to be your child and model the negative behavior you see them displaying and then model the appropriate more positive social skill such as taking turns and then have your child try the positive new skill.  Encourage your child to display this new, more appropriate skill the next time they are playing with their friends and they will more likely get a more positive result from their friends.  Remind your child every time they go off to play with friends or if friends come over to the house, that they need to use their new social skills when they are playing with them. 

The main areas of concern that children with ADHD may have problems with are: starting or maintaining a conversation with another child, listening to other children when they are speaking and not interrupting, resolving conflicts when everything is not going their way, and sharing and taking turns with other children.  Be patient with your child when trying to teach them these new skills and focus on only one or two behaviors at a time in order to improve their social skills.  Peer relationships are such an important part of a child’s life, whereby teaching them these skills will make them alot more comfortable in their social interactions.

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