Kids Awareness Series

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Most people up until about five years ago had never even heard of “cutters” or “emo”. However, the lingo always changes as do the behaviors of kids/teens and how they express themselves. Truly the number of young people (preteens and teens) that are the group that primarily cut themselves is growing by leaps and bounds. Self-harm is rarely an act of suicide, however it is a cry for help for the person that is abusing themselves by cutting. Teens that self-mutilate usually either cut themselves, burn themselves, pick at their skin, or pull their hair out (this is called trichotillomania). Approximately two million people in the United States are injuring themselves right now and are doing so as a way to cope with an overwhelming situation or feelings that they are not quite sure what to do with. Unfortunately, injuring yourself becomes quite addicting and professional help is often needed in order to stop engaging in this very addictive behavior.

People that injure themselves have some very common traits with each other:
they typically have a co-existing disorder such as obsessive-compulsive disorder, an eating disorder, or a substance abuse problem.
they usually have a support group that is limited or non-existent and have no one to talk to about what is going on in their life. In other words, they feel isolated.
they typically have not been allowed in their life to express themselves, whether it is with anger or crying and have bottled up all of their feelings.
they have poor coping skills and when times get tough, they do not have the tools necessary to deal with the crisis or stressor.

The truth is that people that self-harm scare the people around them and their family/friends are usually at a loss of what to do or say to them. I have found that parents/caregivers do not understand why their loved one would actually harm themselves. The key to helping them is to: encourage them to find a professional counselor or psychologist, let them know that you care and are there for them, encourage them to express themselves openly and honestly, and don’t tell them to stop the behavior (this only reinforces their feelings of helplessness.) Remember, self-injury is addicting and is not so easy to “just stop.” For the person that is self-injuring, the very first step is to acknowledge that their is a problem and this is not about being a “bad person”, this is about getting the help you need in order to learn to cope with stressors more effectively.

A common question asked of parents when their children are little is, “when should my child by speaking where I can understand him?” Parents are often concerned when their child does not seem to be at the same developmental level as other children and are unsure of what they should be able to do at what age. Here are some hard and fast rules that can be used as a guide for a child’s speech/language development. As always, if you believe your child’s development is delayed or you have a concern, consult your child’s pediatrician. A referral may be needed for speech/language therapy to help with development.

At the age of 12 months a child can normally:
Make cooing sounds
Respond to the word “no” and mimic your sounds
Say 10-50 words
Follow simple commands such as “show me” or “give me”

At the age of 24 months a child normally can:
Say 50-300 words
Identify parts of their body
Follow 1-2 step commands
Say a 3-word sentence
Follow commands that include prepositions

At the age of 36 months a child can usually:
Say 300-500 words
Use pronouns and prepositions
Understand negatives
Understand prepositions, adjectives, and pronouns
Answer questions logically when a parent asks them

At the age of 48 months a child can usually:
Speak in multiple sentences with each sentence clearly connected and in order

If their is concern that your child is delayed in their language development, then speech/language therapy may be needed in order to help with expressive and receptive language or articulation difficulties.

You might be saying, what in the world is an IEP. Parents with kids that have special needs need to know about an IEP or an Individual Education Plan. An initial IEP meeting is a time and place to develop a document with your child’s educators at school in order to develop a learning plan for your child. Children with special needs usually require having a modified curriculum (ie… allow additional time to complete assignments, reducing distractions in the classroom to learning, visual vs. auditory learning assignments depending on the child’s learning style) that is tailored to how they learn and the necessary changes made in order to accomodate their special needs.

An IEP meeting includes your child’s educators as well as the parents and parents or guardians should participate in developing any special needs or considerations that need to be made for your child. A list of your child’s strengths and weaknesses should be addressed as well as a list of your child’s needs and how to address them. The IEP meeting should not be a time where everyone in the meeting discussing a child’s behavioral or emotional problems, rather this meeting is a time to focus on the issues that your child is having whether they are academic, behavioral, etc.. and how they need to be addressed in school.

The next step to having an IEP is to develop goals that are specific to your child’s strengths an needs in order to be able to track your child’s academic progress in the school environment. Goals should always be realistic and be able to be achieved by your child. If the goals are not realistic, then your child will be discouraged and this will not encourage them to learn and they will become more frustrated. IEP goals should be specific to your child and should be identified in a sequence. For example, if a child with Asperger’s has a specific goal at school of mastering the computer than a sequence may look like this:
1.) the child will learn how to turn on the computer, sign into the internet, learn all the functions of a computer, how to use the keyboard, etc…
2.) the student will learn higher functions of a computer such as how to create documents and save information in the computer
3.) the student will learn how to use their e-mail or different programs such as Excel, Word, etc… on the computer.

The goal here is to have specific steps for your child to reach the goal which are achieveable and a date of completion should be included on the IEP document. The IEP includes the projected date for implementing the services, the duration of the services, and any revision dates. The document should also include how the school plans to report IEP goal progress. Lastly, an IEP should address how the current IEP represents that least restrictive environment as opposed to having your child have an alternative placement elsewhere.

A significant amount of research has been done in the area of whether or not a child’s IQ can be raised. Traditionally, researchers believed that the intellectual level that you were born with remains the same throughout a lifetime. However, research now shows that mental processes can be improved by a number of very simple tasks. One of the most effective ways to stimulate a child’s mental processes is by using a technique called controlled breathing. This is also an exercise that therapists use to help patients control anxiety. Research shows that school-aged children can increase their grades simply by doing breathing exercises prior to assignments or when they take tests. In essence what occurs is that controlled breathing increased oxygen flow going to the brain and a result memory and problem-solving abilities are increased.
A very simple breathing exercise goes as follows:

Teach your child to count to five when breathing in and five again when breathing out. Repeat this exercise about six times and the entire exercise usually takes less than a minute. Your child should complete this exercise before tests or any type of assignment that requires alot of brain power activity. This breathing exercise should be taught several times to your child to make sure they have it right. A very important key is to breathe in for the same amount of time that a child is breathing out.

Another important component to increase your child’s brain power is simply by playing games that improve brain power. Some of these games are checkers, soduku, crossword puzzles, chess, word jumples, and by solving different types of mathematical puzzles. Remember parents, television and video games do very little to improve a child’s brain power.

Lastly, having a conversation no matter what their age improves vocabulary and verbal skills. Studies are now showing that kids with talkative parents have a larger vocabulary and better overall language skills. Make conversations about their interests such as family, school, friends, clothes, etc… part of your everyday routine. The result will be a child/teen that feels valued and more intelligent.

As parents and caregivers we often are uncertain of what to look for when a child has been sexually abused.  The thought or possibility that our child has been abused in any way is a parent’s biggest fear and often times a parent does not want to believe anything has occurred and overlooks the signs.  Some behaviors that children exhibit may signal sexual abuse, however they also might just be a child having seen an adult movie or something they watched on television that has adult content.  Try to remain calm but also look for the following signs that your child has been abused.  These are some indicators, however it does not mean for sure that your child has been abused and a pediatrician or a mental health professional should be contacted in order to make an evaluation.  Always better to err on the side of caution and be sure that your child is alright:

The signs of sexual abuse are the following:

Unusual discharge from the vagina or penis.  Somtimes in kids this is a reaction to a change in laundry soap or their soap, however a pedicatrician should be contacted to be sure.

When your child is repeatedly touching themselves, whether this is at home in their bedroom or bathroom or when they are out in public.  This does not mean when they casually touch themselves, all children will do this, I mean when they are compulsively touching themselves and they appear very anxious when they are doing so.

Stimulating themselves or having contact sexually with pets.

Repeatedly and compulsively drawing pictures of genitalia.

Playing with their feces.  Children, especially preschoolers and very young children find this fascinating, however beyond this age it is not a fascination.  It usually signals anger or having went though a traumatic event. 

Engaging in oral sex, fondling, or sexual contact with another child.  Sexual contact with a child much older or much younger is usually a sign for alarm, however when children “play doctor” or engage in “you show me mine and I will show me yours” is not usually a sign of sexual abuse.  Most children are curious and will engage in trying to “play doctor” at some point.  Stop this behavior and look carefully for any signs of abuse that may have occurred. 

Lastly, when a child has significant anxiety around certain people they encounter or places that they have to go.  Their fears or their anxieties should be discussed with them to try and ascertain exactly what is wrong.  Don’t ask over and over repeatedly, this will cause them even more anxiety. 

What should be done by a parent that is uncertain as to whether or not their child has been abused is to err on the side of caution.  If you are just not sure that your child has been abused and you can not get a straight answer from your child, then ask your child’s pediatrician for an evaluation.  If abuse is involved, contact a mental health professional for individual and family counseling immediately.