Kids Awareness Series

We as parents frequently want our children to have more than what we did and overindulge them. Especially at Christmas time, we are often guilty of wanting to over gift our children. What does giving children too many gifts do for our kids. Much research has been done in this particular area and giving our kids too many gifts is actually not of benefit to them. Giving too many gifts to our kids has the following effects:
1.) Our children are not appreciative of what they have received when they have a stack of gifts sitting next to them that is higher than they are. Children that have “too much” can become ungrateful and it truly is more important to give than to receive. However, if children receive and receive and receive, it is very difficult to teach this particular value.
2.) Giving bigger and bigger and more expensive gifts often leads to a competitition among family members to “out do” each other.
3.) It sends the message that love is truly measured by presents and “stuff”.
4.) Numerous studies have been completed that show that receiving too many gifts over stimulates children. When children receive so many things, it is hard to focus on the gifts that they do receive because there are simply too many. Children can only focus on one or two things at a time, not a pile of toys that are stacked to the ceiling.

Yes, I understand that it is hard as parents to not buy and buy for our kids because we want them to have everything, but truly it is not healthy. How can we prevent from buying our kids too much this year. Here is how:
Make a list of what you want to buy for your children and then stick to it.
Decide how much you want to spend and plan what you are going to buy.
Figure out how many gifts you want to buy for your kids.
Lastly, if everyone is in agreement in your family, then draw names of who you are going to buy for.

This year don’t go broke buying gifts for your kids and family and make this a more meaningful Christmas. Your kids will thank you for this later.

A significant amount of research has been done in the area of whether or not a child’s IQ can be raised. Traditionally, researchers believed that the intellectual level that you were born with remains the same throughout a lifetime. However, research now shows that mental processes can be improved by a number of very simple tasks. One of the most effective ways to stimulate a child’s mental processes is by using a technique called controlled breathing. This is also an exercise that therapists use to help patients control anxiety. Research shows that school-aged children can increase their grades simply by doing breathing exercises prior to assignments or when they take tests. In essence what occurs is that controlled breathing increased oxygen flow going to the brain and a result memory and problem-solving abilities are increased.
A very simple breathing exercise goes as follows:

Teach your child to count to five when breathing in and five again when breathing out. Repeat this exercise about six times and the entire exercise usually takes less than a minute. Your child should complete this exercise before tests or any type of assignment that requires alot of brain power activity. This breathing exercise should be taught several times to your child to make sure they have it right. A very important key is to breathe in for the same amount of time that a child is breathing out.

Another important component to increase your child’s brain power is simply by playing games that improve brain power. Some of these games are checkers, soduku, crossword puzzles, chess, word jumples, and by solving different types of mathematical puzzles. Remember parents, television and video games do very little to improve a child’s brain power.

Lastly, having a conversation no matter what their age improves vocabulary and verbal skills. Studies are now showing that kids with talkative parents have a larger vocabulary and better overall language skills. Make conversations about their interests such as family, school, friends, clothes, etc… part of your everyday routine. The result will be a child/teen that feels valued and more intelligent.

All families have their share of problems and unfortunately during a crisis, family members panic. There can be any number of things that constitute a crisis for a family and some of the biggies are: using drugs, depression, self-mutilation, your child has thoughts of hurting themselves, staying out all night, sexting, death of a family member or loved one, having committed a crime, gang activity, or having underage sex. What constitutes a crisis for one family might not necessarily be a crisis for another family. So what do we do as a family to work through a crisis situation without completely having the family unit fall apart.

First of all, we should be prepared as a family before a crisis strikes. Parents should be alert to the early warning signs of the crisis. Watch for odd or unusual behaviors, lying, or in other words if your child/teen begins to act differently.
Stay calm. Losing your cool will not reassure or instill confidence in the rest of the members of the family. Yelling and screaming has never solved a single, solitary problem.
If your child or another family member is in danger then the danger must be removed immediately. This often means that the police have to be called if the situation has escalated to this point.
Work through a particular problem and do not focus on the person. Attacking or pointing the finger at a person during a family crisis is also not helpful. This just puts the person on the defensive and will most likely escalate the problem. Put your energy into solving the problem and not blaming and criticizine a person.
During a crisis, try to keep a normal routine. This is hard to do but this has a stabilizing and calming effect on all of the members of the family.
Communicate, Communicate, Communicate. This is a key to working through any type of family crisis. If family members shut down and don’t talk to each other than nothing ever gets solved. Give each other your undivided attention. If your child/teen needs to talk about something, then let them talk. Convey to them that you are their for him/her no matter what.
Utilize any and all resources at your disposal to work through the crisis. This could be a pastor, a therapist, other family members, support groups, friends, or your community mental health center. Work through the problem, no matter what it is with your child. Children/teens need reassurance that they are safe and loved, no matter what has happened or what they did.

How do we as Americans respond to child abuse? A new study by Prevent Child Abuse America reveals a very alarming trend of how Americans respond to child abuse.

As surprising as this is, three out of ten Americans have witnessed a child being physically abused and two out of three have witnessed a child being emotionally abused. Yet nearly half of these individuals failed to respond in any way to the incident that occurred. This is according to a study that was released to Child Abuse America. What research is showing us is that most Americans fail to respond when they witness abuse in a public place because they do not know what to do.

So how can we respond to child abuse or neglect in a public place.

1.) We can start a conversation with the adult in order to direct attention away from the child. A good suggestion could be, “My child sometimes acts just like that when we go somewhere.”
2.) Look for an opportunity to praise the child or parent. This diffuses the situation and provides something positive into the situation.
3.) Avoid making a negative remark or look, this only adds fuel to an already bad situation.
4.) If the child is in imminent danger, then by all means find someone to help you. Do not try to diffuse a situation by yourself. That could be dangerous for you.
5.) Talk to the child and take an interest in something about them. For example, remark on how pretty or handsome they look or remark about something about their appearance. Most kids respond to praise in this manner.

The worst thing that a person can do when they witness abuse or neglect is to do nothing and just walk away. Even if you don’t want to “get involved”, the very least that should be done is to notify someone in a store where you observed the incident. In order for abuse to stop, everyone must get involved even if it makes them uncomfortable. Don’t turn a “blind eye” to abuse, this only exacerbates an already prevalent problem in the United States.

As parents, we have heard this as an answer from our children so many times that we have lost count. Why exactly do children give this noncomital answer when parents or adults ask them a question. The reason of course is that kids learn at a very early age that if they say, “I don’t know” or “I am not sure” that they are less likely to get into trouble. When parents are asking questions of their children, they are usually doing so in an attempt to catch them in a lie or are in “attack mode” and kids are aware of this and will give them the safest response that they can give, “I don’t know.” Children constantly have to engage in conversations with adults that are more mature and have a deeper level of thought and children are often scared that they will be penalized if they offer up the wrong or incorrect response.

How do we as parents and as teachers correct this punitive system of correcting our children and ask questions and have a dialogue with our children that is more positive than negative.

The steps to correct this problem are as follows:
1.) Talk to your children with love and respect, even if you are really angry at them
2.) Ask them questions such as What? Where? Why?, these questions do not interrogate them, rather they invite them to have a discussion and it shows them you are really interested in what they have to say and their opinions.
3.) Avoid asking questions such as, “when are you going to?” How come you can’t?, Are you? Why not? Did you? These questions sound like the Spanish Inquisition! When you ask questions in this frame of mind you are automatically putting your child on the defensive and you are going to get a defensive or oppositional answer or not an answer at all.
4.) The key is ATTITUDE! Convey to your child/teenager in your communications that you are truly interested. This is to not to say that you are going to agree with each other or that your teen is going to get their way. You are still the parent after all and you are in charge of things.

Have a dialogue with your kids that is open; honest that conveys that you are open to their view point and are interested in what they have to say. We want to affirm their importance as individuals and offer up acceptance of them as people. Once we are able to achieve this, we will be able to get a definitive answer when we ask a question.

Anxiety is really on a continuum if you think about.  All of us, kids, adolescents and adults have some level of anxiety on any given day.  We move from relatively little anxiety to moderate to severe anxiety and we move up and down on this continuum.  NOBODY has no anxiety every day, everyone experience some degree of anxiety on any given day.  Anxiety is really a good and a bad thing, however high levels of anxiety on a continuing basis interfere with our ability to function in our daily lives.  We never are truly able to eliminate anxiety completely, however the goal of psychological treatment is to reduce or manage the anxiety that we have.  With that said, how do we know that we are having a panic attack or in other words a sudden and intense fear or anxiety that is absolutely overwhelming to us.  Panic attacks happen to children and adults alike and panic attacks do not discriminate based on a person’s age. 

In order to recognize whether you are experiencing a panic attack, you must first know the symptoms of a panic attack:

1.) you feel like your heart is racing and you have heart palpitations

2.) sweating

3.) trembling or shaking all over your body

4.) Shortness of breath

5.) fear of dying

6.) fear of losing control

7.) nausea or abdominal pain or distress

8.) chills or hot flushes

9.) chest pain or discomfort

10.) feeling of choking

11.) feeling dizzy, unsteady, faint, or lightheaded

12.) derealization (feelings of unreality) or depersonalization (being detached or not part of oneself)

13.) paresthesias (numbness or tingling sensations)

To qualify for a diagnosis of Panic Disorder, at least four of the preceding 13 symptoms are needed.  Experiencing these symptoms does not always mean that you are having a panic attack, they may signal a physical problem.  Many symptoms of a physical ailment mimic those identified for a panic attack and a physical basis for the symptoms needs to first be ruled out.  Individuals should first receive a physical examination to rule out that their is no physical basis for these symptoms.  If there is not a physical reason for the preceding symptoms than panic disorder is likely the culprit and psychological intervention is needed.  Most individuals that experience panic attacks are treated with Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and psychological intervention is usually needed in order to treat panic attacks.  Medications are also often needed in order to treat panic attacks.

As parents and caregivers we often are uncertain of what to look for when a child has been sexually abused.  The thought or possibility that our child has been abused in any way is a parent’s biggest fear and often times a parent does not want to believe anything has occurred and overlooks the signs.  Some behaviors that children exhibit may signal sexual abuse, however they also might just be a child having seen an adult movie or something they watched on television that has adult content.  Try to remain calm but also look for the following signs that your child has been abused.  These are some indicators, however it does not mean for sure that your child has been abused and a pediatrician or a mental health professional should be contacted in order to make an evaluation.  Always better to err on the side of caution and be sure that your child is alright:

The signs of sexual abuse are the following:

Unusual discharge from the vagina or penis.  Somtimes in kids this is a reaction to a change in laundry soap or their soap, however a pedicatrician should be contacted to be sure.

When your child is repeatedly touching themselves, whether this is at home in their bedroom or bathroom or when they are out in public.  This does not mean when they casually touch themselves, all children will do this, I mean when they are compulsively touching themselves and they appear very anxious when they are doing so.

Stimulating themselves or having contact sexually with pets.

Repeatedly and compulsively drawing pictures of genitalia.

Playing with their feces.  Children, especially preschoolers and very young children find this fascinating, however beyond this age it is not a fascination.  It usually signals anger or having went though a traumatic event. 

Engaging in oral sex, fondling, or sexual contact with another child.  Sexual contact with a child much older or much younger is usually a sign for alarm, however when children “play doctor” or engage in “you show me mine and I will show me yours” is not usually a sign of sexual abuse.  Most children are curious and will engage in trying to “play doctor” at some point.  Stop this behavior and look carefully for any signs of abuse that may have occurred. 

Lastly, when a child has significant anxiety around certain people they encounter or places that they have to go.  Their fears or their anxieties should be discussed with them to try and ascertain exactly what is wrong.  Don’t ask over and over repeatedly, this will cause them even more anxiety. 

What should be done by a parent that is uncertain as to whether or not their child has been abused is to err on the side of caution.  If you are just not sure that your child has been abused and you can not get a straight answer from your child, then ask your child’s pediatrician for an evaluation.  If abuse is involved, contact a mental health professional for individual and family counseling immediately.

Anger, yelling, shouting, sarcasm, and profanity are not what was intended for the parent-child relationship.  However, this is all too frequently occurring in our homes today.  Consider this scenario for a moment.  You ask your child to simply sit down and complete their homework.  You have asked them three times to sit down and complete their work nicely and then as a parent you lose it and start screaming your head off.  Anger is now in the room.  As a parent, you feel gratified because you now see your child sitting their completing their homework, however your child has internalized the whole experience and is tense and frustrated while completing their homework.  Unfortunately, your child is most likely not completing their work to the best of their ability.  The parent is usually so angry though that they do not feel guilty about what has happened until they have had a chance to calm down.  The effects of this scenario are the following:

1.) This type of parent-child interaction whether it occurs frequently or infrequently decreases or diminishes the parent-child bond.

2.) The parent has just modeled very poor problem-solving and coping skills to deal with situations that arise.  Your child is learning that yelling and screaming and anger will bring about results.

3.) The child now does not want to ask their parent for help in the future because they are anticipating a similar scenario to the one that has just occurred.  Anger or belittling comments will bring about avoidance on the part of the child to go to a parent and ask for help or assistance.  The child now feels alone and isolated when they have problems and need “to talk” to their parents.

4.) Anger festers and builds and the parent is slowly building an angry child.  Of course, the outcome was favorable in as much as you got the homework completed, however the long-term results are poor.

As parents, we need to find other means to get our children to do as they are told.  Yelling, anger, and sarcasm are negative means with very negative outcomes.  Children respond in a more positive manner when a behavioral management plan is used and consistent boundaries with consequences are given for their behaviors/actions.

Self-control truly is a basic lesson that needs to be learned early in life.  Children must understand early that they are the ones that have control over the quality of their life and they have a choice over whether they have privileges or if they have consequences for their behaviors/actions.  If a child chooses to do what they are told then they receive privileges or get to do what they want and if they decide to not do what they are told, then their should be consequences for this.  Parents must set limits and boundaries and then stick to the consequences of their children’s choices, whether good or bad on a consistent basis. 

The basic formula to teach self-control is to give children freedom, allow them to make choices whether it is good or bad, and then deal with the consequences of their actions depending on what choices they have made.  When a child has done something good and they have listened, then praise them for it.  When they have not, then we dole out consequences.  Parents should give privileges when they have been earned and let their children know that they are receiving privileges as a result of having made good choices, no matter what the age of your child.  When a child has made poor choices, parents should empathize with what they have lost (ie.. consequences), however they should not say, “I told you so” or “I told you this would happen.”  Rubbing it in will not help matters.  Make statements such as, “That’s sad that you can’t go out with your friends” or “I feel for you that you don’t get an allowance this week, now you can’t buy that CD.” 

The goal as parents is to not control our children, but to make them do what you want them to do.  Parents need to give them the choices of what to do and make it painful for them when they make the wrong choices so they won’t want to do them again.  When we balance children’s freedoms, their choices, and hand out consequences, this is how we can teach children to control themselves accordingly.

The symptoms of childhood schizophrenia are very similar to those of adults, however in children the symptoms become apparent to adults very gradually until the child has their first psychotic episode.  The earliest signs of this debilitating disorder for children/adolescents are when the child becomes socially withdrawn, exhibits disruptive behaviors, speech or language problems, learning difficulties at school, and other delays in their development.  Children often experience hallucinatiosn that include their hearing voices, seeing images, smelling odors that are not there.  Some other common symptoms that parents should look for are:

Impaired speech, difficulty paying attention, inability to make decisions on their behalf, a flat facial expression or a lack of any type of emotion, hearing voices, believing in make believe way beyond when it is age-appropriate, and poor social or interpersonal skills.  Also, children with Schizophrenia begin to not take care of themselves, have disorganized thinking, and often seem depressed for no apparent reason. 

If a parent is concerned about their child that they are having difficulty functioning at school, at home, with their friends, or in their ability to care for themselves, they should contact their pediatrician.  The child’s pediatrician will most likely refer out to a psychiatrist for a psychiatric evaluation to determine a course of treatment.  Childhood Schizophrenia is very difficult to diagnose for a variety of reasons, but most importantly is because it is rare.  In addition, many other disorders and childhood behavioral problems overlap with many of the symptoms of Schizophrenia. 

Treatment of Childhood Schizophrenia usually includes anti-psychotic medication/s as the core or foundation for the treatment.  Family and/or individual counseling is also recommended in order to understand the disorder and also to cope with symptoms and behaviors that are associated with the disorder.  The symptoms of Schizophrenia are  absolutely manageable with the correct treatment and treatment usually includes medications, social, and psychological treatments.